


Everytime you smile

by vraiment



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-07-07 05:17:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15901647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vraiment/pseuds/vraiment
Summary: First, it was his smile, his goddamn smile. Every time, he saw it, his heart pricked, and the world seemed to come to a stop around him, almost as if all of his problems were solved, and that he was finally at peace.





	1. Chapter 1

The day started out normal.

Jaemin dragged his fingers through his hair, trying to make it seem slightly less messy, so that he will look a bit more presentable on the first day at his new school. He didn’t know what to expect. 

When he first toured the campus, he marvelled at the large fields and courts, the nicely decorated classrooms, the cafeteria that sold actual food! He thought he could maybe finally fit in, maybe everything will settle after that day. His phone buzzed with texts from Renjun, the boy next door, who was clearly more excited than Jaemin was for his first day.

Junnie: hey where are you!! ^^  
Junnie: It’s getting late,, you DON’T want to be late on your first day  
Junnie: I’m literally outside your door hurry up u egghead

Jaemin smiled to himself before texting back a quick “coming :)”. He took a quick glance of himself in front of the mirror before rushing down the steps to leave the house. He reached the handle to open the door, and was greeted by Renjun’s smiling face. 

“Why are you so pale,” Renjun asked.

“I am?”

“Yeah, did you just see a ghost or something? Or are you just anxious for the first day of school?”

“Yeah, that’s probably it,” Jaemin nervously giggled. Immediately, he felt Renjun’s warm arms wrap around him, and the latter slightly shook him.

“You’re going to be fine,” Renjun sighed. 

Jaemin went back to fiddling with his fingernails and his mind quietly traced back to the first time he saw Renjun. He remembered his moving truck quietly coming to a halt in front of his house and not soon after his parents and him began unloading their boxes and furniture, Renjun had come squealing out of his front door. 

When Jaemin first laid his eyes on him, all he could think of was beautiful. With his curly blonde hair and rose- rimmed glasses resting at the bridge of his nose, he looked like a piece of art. Renjun and Jaemin immediately hit it off, spending time together whenever they could, with the blonde haired boy showing Jaemin off all of his favourite spots to hang out in the neighbourhood.

\

 

For Jeno, the day started out terrible. No, not terrible. Absolutely deplorable. He woke up an hour too late, and was rudely awakened by Hyuck throwing pebbles at his window, in efforts to wake him up. Talk about his knight in shining armour. 

He had to skip his daily, obligatory 7 a.m. shower, which meant his hair stayed a greasy brown mess. He quickly threw on his uniform and unironed blazer. On his way out, he hastily said goodbye to his mom completely ignoring the towering stack of pancakes and strawberries that she had made for him. 

He opened his door to see Hyuck grinning goofily at him, collars popped and his untied tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“You might want to fix your attire, Hyuckie,” Jeno grumbled. “You don’t want Mr Moon to scold you on the first day of school”

“Hey, at least I didn’t forget my tie,” Hyuck scoffed. “You, my dear friend, are going to be roasted by Mark today. You might even get a demerit! Haha”

“How come you get to get away with everything just because you’re dating him,” Jeno asked. “I mean technically I’m the one who is his friend.”

“Oh fuck off, we aren’t dating,” Hyuck replied. “We just… enjoy each other’s company.”

Oh my fucking god, Jeno cursed as he pushed the younger boy away. This day can’t get any worse, right?

 

\

 

Jaemin wandered around his new school, clutching his schedule in his hand, almost crumbling the edges of the paper. He hesitantly walked into his english language close, and slowly trudged to the back of the room, where he found an empty seat next to a boy who had his head down.

He slowly pulled the chair back, and slightly cringed at the chair screeching against the floor. The boy seated next to him, suddenly lifted his head and looked at Jaemin curiously.

“Who are you?” the boy questioned, his eyes widening as he continued to take Jaemin in. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.” Jaemin noticed a pin glistening at the boy’s collar, signalling that he was a prefect. If there was anything Renjun told him stay wary of was prefects- and their notorious demerit points.

“Uh. I’m new?” Jaemin suggested. “I’m sorry is this seat taken? I can move to another one if you want to.” The other boy tilted his head as he beckoned for Jaemin to sit next to him.

“What’s your name?” the boy asked as he sat upright in his seat.

“Jaemin.”

“Cool, I’m Mark.”

 

\

 

Jaemin came out of that english class with two things fresh in his mind. Firstly, Mark was actually fluent in english and that he was taking the course just to “snatch those extra credit points”, and secondly, Mark was actually a really nice person

Wow, Jaemin. Way to go! You made one friend. You still don’t have anyone to sit beside for lunch though! What a fool.

Jaemin made his way to the cafeteria, which was bustling with students, and really, really loud and crowded. He saw kids joking around with their friends, hugging them, talking to them about their day. Jaemin longed to talk to his own friends but they were an ocean away. He sighed inwardly.

What a loner.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and decided to text them while he tried to find Renjun and his friends.

nanalovesu: guys :(  
nanalovesu: I never thought i would bring myself to say this but i miss yall SO MUCH  
nanalovesu: lele and jisung reply to my texts >:(  
mochisung: omg HYUNG!  
mochisung: how is it living without seeing our faces everyday  
Lele: we miss u too!!! U do realize that it’s going to be like 12 am here right?  
nanalovesu: omg why are yall awake :((  
nanalovesu: im so lonely without u guys :(((  
mochisung: don’t worry nana :/ just text us okay? We will always be here for you!!!  
Lele: yea we miss you too!! Come back soon

Jaemin smiled to himself as he read their text messages. He turned around to continue trying to find for Renjun, but came face to face with a boy. Jaemin accidentally pushed the latter in shock, causing him to spill his lunch all over the two of them.

“Oh my god!” the other boys let out an exasperated sigh. “Dude, why were you even standing in the middle of the cafeteria? Someone was bound to walk into you, you do know that right?”

Jaemin looked away embarrassed. He then turned to survey the mess, and he realized that most of whatever the other had been eating was now on both of their shirts. 

“Mark is going to slaughter me!” the other boy yelled. “I can’t afford to have a demerit point.”

Jaemin perked at the sound of Mark’s name. “You know Mark?” he asked.

“Literally half the school does,” the other boy exhaled. “We should probably get cleaned up” He caught Jaemin’s arm and began pulling him away. Before Jaemin could respond back, the two of them were stopped.

“Jeno, the fuck?”

Jaemin looked up to see that the boy standing in front of them was Mark. Mark looked back to meet his eyes, and he lowered them. “Mark, hey. I’m sorry I never meant to start this-”

“Jaemin, calm down, you’re fine,” Mark interrupted. “Come with me i’ll get you both new shirts.”

The other boy, or Jeno, as Jaemin learnt, let go off his tight grip around the younger’s arm and did not turn to look back as he marched steadily ahead, ignoring Mark and him.

“I’m sorry for his behaviour. He is just you know, going through it right now,” Mark said, breaking the air of silence between the two of them.

“Interesting,” Jaemin whispered, as he saw the brown haired boy stalk around the corner.


	2. the beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn't proofread or anything so give me suggestions etc on my cc!!

Jaemin looked around nervously to the other boy. Mark had left a while ago, after thrusting two pristine white shirts into their hands. Do I talk to him? Do I apologize? He wondered. Nervously, he surveyed the locker room where they both changed in silence. The floors were greasy and wet, probably the aftermath of water polo practice. There was a dull silence that hung in the room.

Jaemin slowly wiggled out of his polo t-shirt and changed into the collared one Mark gave him. He looked up to meet the fierce, blazing eyes of Jeno, who looked like he had been studying him.

“Look I’m sorry about what happened. I can pay for your lunch some other day, okay? It’s just been a rough couple of days for me and-” 

“You should join the basketball team”

“Huh? Basketball?” Jaemin’s eyes widened.

“You can come with me to lunch this weekend and pay for it then, but forget about that. Your physique is in excellent shape. Damn, I never expected you to be this-”

“This buff?” Jaemin echoed Jeno’s thoughts. He smiled sheepishly. All those mornings, afternoons, and nights spent training for dance competitions actually had some worth in them? He thought to himself.

Jeno smiled back, a grin, but his eyes scrunched up, and his pupils twinkled like stars in the midnight skies. His lips curled slightly, stretching his cheeks slightly. His cheekbones glistened slightly under the dull flickr of the lights above and wow- he had the most beautiful smile Jaemin had probably ever seen.

“I don’t know about you but I would try out if I were you. You could be a potential asset to our team. You know we could actually start winning competitions!” Jeno flashed another smile, this time with his teeth showing.

“But-” Jaemin started, struggling to conjure words to reply back to Jeno. “Just because I have a nice build doesn’t mean I’m a good player?”

“Oh shut up. I get a good vibe from you, I have faith that you’re gonna be fantastic,” Jeno said, reaching his hand to pat Jaemin’s back, and he flashed another smile. This time, Jaemin felt something. 

He didn’t know if it was Jeno’s general aura or his goddamn smile, but something about the older boy made Jaemin feel like he was actually cared for in this world. That maybe someone out there wanted him and maybe loved him. Something about Jeno pulled Jaemin towards him, like the moon and soft, gentle waves. It was almost as if he could finally breathe again, days of burden which built up inside him, finally slowly escaping from him.

“So I’ll see you there?” Jeno asked. He looked at Jaemin with curious eyes, like that of a puppy’s.

“When and where is it?” Jaemin asked, as his gaze slowly shifted from Jeno’s eyes to his lips. They were well, very pink and very kissable. 

“Tomorrow afternoon, after school.Mark will be there too! We can get lunch afterwards, and you can pay!” Jeno said, walking backwards and out of the door.

“O-okay,” Jaemin called after him breathlessly, as he watched the other boy open the door and leave, after flashing another one of his smiles at Jaemin. 

Oh my god. 

/

milkboy: guys guess what?  
hyuckles: do we even want to know  
markles: is this abt jaemin? PLEASE tell me you didn’t scare him off,, he’s a good kid  
milkboy: you guys have matching IDs?? Is this a couple thing???  
markles: no  
hyuckles: no  
milkboy: ANYWAY! I invited jaemin to join our basketball team ;)  
hyuckles: jeno WHY,, we have MORE than enough people  
milkboy: but he’s cute :((  
milkboy: and his smile is fucking gorgeous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this was a short update but hope yall liked it uwu,, i created a cc so hmu about anything! https://curiouscat.me/jaeminsflower


	3. Chapter 3

Jaemin woke up with a start, sweat dotting his face. He cupped his cheeks and let out a sigh. Another day, another nightmare huh? Ever since the Big Move, Jaemin had been getting a lot of bad dreams. He quietly stood up and headed to the bathroom to wash his face. He turned the tap on slowly let the cold water trickle down his palms, and slowly dabbed the wetness onto his face.

Moving had been hard for Jaemin. He had to leave behind friends, family, his whole life, to settle in a foreign place. He had to drop everything to move to a new place, swarmed with unfamiliar smells and sights. And above all, he had to leave behind his biggest support system- Chenle and Jisung.

Even though the duo were younger than him- and he had to third wheel them basically everywhere- he never really minded. Chenle’s words and shrieks were loud enough to silence his empty, restless thoughts and Jisung gave the best advice to all his problems, even though he was the youngest amongst them.

Something about their presence always filled the void within him, and with them around, he always had someone to talk to about his problems and worries. They were there for him during times when he felt useless and worthless. They were always a step ahead of him and knew when he was just not feeling it.

Chenle always had his warm hugs ready for Jaemin, and when Jaemin cried into the younger boy’s shoulder, Jisung was always beside them, telling the older boy to breathe and clear his mind of worries, while gently caressing his back.

He never thought the day where he was forced to live without their warmth and affection would ever come. He crouched on the cold bathroom floor, feeling the coolness of the tiles seep through his fingers.

He started to think about how he was merely worth nothing, just another nobody in everyone’s lives. Someone who could not leave a mark in the world, that he was simply another blemish. The more he thought, he pressed his nails into his palms and but his quivering lips, trying not to cry.

He let a strangled cry. Fuck this, fuck everything. Tears started to fall from his eyes, and he dropped his head to his knees, trying to make himself feel small and tiny. Nobody can come get me now, right?

He tried to think about Chenle’s jokes, about how Jisung was going to take his drivers’ test soon. He thought about the little convenience store below his old apartment, and how the lady running it always gave him hot doughnuts or a small cup of coffee before he ran to school everyday. He remembered her smile and the warm energy she radiated.

One thought turned to another and he found himself thinking back to his encounter with Jeno.

“Jeno,” he said out loud, with the letters rolling from his mouth. He thought about his smile, his beautiful smile, and how he had seemed so prepared and on top of himself. It felt like he had the whole world under his palms, and that he had control over everything he did. He was a little jealous, Jeno probably had a perfect life, with perfect grades and perfect friends.

However, Jaemin smiled to himself, as he continued to think about the beautiful boy. “Maybe you could learn a thing or two from him,” a voice whispered at the back of his head. He slowly unclenched his fists and got up, dusting his lap. Nervously walking up to the mirror, he watched his reflection stare back at himself. He wiped at his swollen eyes and ran his fingers through his hair.

_Maybe in another life, he actually had his shit together._

 

Jeno woke up late. Again. The second day of school and he was late. Again. He felt loud thuds on the wooden flooring and light shuffling, until he heard a voice ring out. “Jeno, wake up you dumbass!”

Jeno was surprised that Hyuck was always up and about way before he was. Mark’s impact, he guessed. He looked up to his door frame groggily rubbing his eyes. He saw Hyuck’s silhouette leaning against the door. “Jeno, I swear if you don’t get your lazy ass off of your bed right now,” the younger boy huffed, cautiously navigating Jeno’s mess of a floor.

“Are you up this early because of Mark or something,” Jeno retorted, as he fumbled for his glasses and crossed Donghyuck to get to his bathroom to freshen up. He tentatively closed the door behind him as he quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth.

“Geez, can’t a boy just care about learning and attaining a proper education?” Jeno heard Hyuck’s muffled voice through his door. He quickly threw on a plain black shirt and sweatpants before opening the bathroom door.

“Just say that you’re in love with Mark and leave,” Jeno said, as he grabbed his backpack and started to leave his room, with Hyuck trailing behind him.

“You know what’s funny? You are the one who’s said his name a grand total of two times, it might even seem like you’re the one who’s in love with him.”

“Oh, please. I don’t look at him like he hung the fucking stars in the sky.”

“I look at him like that?” Hyuck choked, as he stopped walking. “Damn, maybe I do love him.”  
“That’s it? That’s all it took for you to admit your love?” Jeno said, as he continued to walk.

“I don’t understand why you’re surprised. You’ve literally known this since the 5th grade.”

“Yeah, but you never said you L- worded him,” Jeno replied, slowly turning to look at Hyuck.

The latter’s face was completely red and it almost looked like he was trying to hide his smile. “Oh, shut up. I’ll tell him soon enough.”

Jeno turned back to look at the pavement in front of him. “Tell me if anything happens, okay?”

“Alright”

_At least Hyuck had his shit together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm working on creating longer chapters, so please wait for a little bit more! and nothing much happens between nomin but plotwise you get to see a bit more about the other characters,,, and sorry if jeno's pov is mostly dialogues LOL i just lovelove hyuck + jeno's dynamic


	4. Lovable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin and jeno talk! for real this time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to clarify, both of them don't really have feelings for each other yet! they just think that the other is really pretty (but don't we all)

Jaemin found himself in the middle of the cafeteria again. He looked around trying to spot a familiar face. No Mark or Renjun anywhere.

nanalovesu: injunnie ^^ where are you?

Junnie: oh fuck i completely forgot but i have to do smn at lunch :((

Junnie: i’m so sorry jaemin!! I’ll make it up to you i swear

Junnie: why don’t you sit with mark? You said you were friends with him right?

nanalovesu: oh it’s fine! Don’t worry about me :)

Ah, the never ending tragedy of Boy having no friends and being a complete, pathetic loser. He cautiously navigated through the crowd, trying to find Mark. He walked around for a while taking in the beautiful chaos of a cafeteria. Kids screaming, couple holding hands and talking in hushed whispers.

Chaos, but good chaos. At least he could distract himself with people watching. He spotted Mark’s familiar black hair and pristine uniform at the far end of the room, talking with two other boys and hesitantly walked towards him. He heard soft giggles coming from Mark and the boy beside him, and saw another boy sitting beside the two of them. The trio were sitting on the floor, their bags spread in front of them, with untouched binders, notebooks and pens lying on the floor everywhere.

Mark had his head on the other boy’s shoulder, and let out a giggle as the duo stared intently at the screen.

The other boy was really pretty, and had warm golden skin. His hair covered his forehead, and was scattered with careless rainbow streaks in his hair that seemed like something he had applied on himself. His eyes were lined with smudged eyeliner and coppery eyeshadow and he parted his lipsas he stared at the phone in front of him 

Jaemin turned to his right and was surprised to find out that the other boy was Jeno.

The boy’s gaze was directed at a stack of papers in front of him, and he seemed to be more focused on chewing his fingernails off than whatever was on the sheets in front of him. He curled his fingers through his messy brown hair, and brought his pencil up to his lips. The long, dusty black lashes that lined his eyelids lifted up as Jeno suddenly looked up and met Jaemin’s eyes. “Jaemin!” He smiled, his eyes forming little upturned crescents. 

“You know my name?” the younger asked. He thought back to their previous exchange and realized that they never exchanged names, and that their conversation then had lasted for a mere 2 seconds.

“Yeah, Mark was telling me about you, after our encounter yesterday,” Jeno paused. “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. Why are you here anyway?”

“Oh, um,” Jaemin hesitated. “Basketball?”

“What about it?” Jeno pouted. “Do you not want to join the team?” He patted the empty floor beside him, and beckoned Jaemin to sit with him. Jaemin rushed forward, feeling grateful. He settled his backpack against the brick wall and leaned against it.

“No, it’s nothing like that, I don’t know my way around here well so I was wondering if you could show me where the courts were?” Jaemin asked, making up a lame excuse to have something to talk to Jeno about. He looked down at his fingernails, and fumbled with them, nervously awaiting Jeno’s answer.

Jeno let out a laugh, and Jaemin hesitantly turned around to face him. “Yeah, of course. I can’t say no, can I? Especially to someone who’s buying me my lunch today,” the brown haired boy said flashing a smile. “How about you help me with my calculus homework as a way of repaying?”

“I’m literally buying you lunch but okay,” Jaemin scoffed, rolling his eyes. He leaned forward to check the set of problems Jeno had apparently been working over for the past hour. He noticed that the other boy had some sort of marshmallow scent on him, and immediately pushed the thought away.

“Maybe if you actually payed attention in class and did your homework at home, you wouldn’t be suffering like this,” Jaemin sighed. “We went over the same problems in class today, how about I help you with them later? Lunch is going to end soon anyway.”

Thee two boys fell back into a light hearted conversation, about school and teachers. Unimportant things, to fill the space between them. Jeno giggled to himself quietly as he started to put away his things. “Why are you always smiling?” Jaemin suddenly asked. “Did I do something weird?”

“It’s nothing,” Jeno replied, looking into Jaemin’s eyes. “I’m just making up scenarios in my head.”

“What kind of scenarios?" 

He never got to learn the answer, as their conversation was interrupted with Mark’s sudden “Jaemin? What are you doing here?” 

“I’ve been here the whole time.”

“He was to obsessed with Hyuck to notice you. Sorry, Nana,” Jeno replied, shooting knowing glances at the duo.

“Nana?” the other three boys piqued in harmony.

Jeno shrugged the question away and started to make plans about the basketball tryouts later in the day. Jaemin offered for Mark, and the pretty boy, who he later learned was Donghyuck, for lunch later, and they quickly agreed. 

And as Jaemin walked away from the trio to get to his next class, he faintly heard Donghyuck tell Jeno, “Yeah, he is cute.”

  


\

 

Jeno dribbled the basketball in his hand as he waited for Jaemin outside the locker rooms. He had thrown on an old muscle tee that featured the worn out logo of the golden state warriors and black basketball shorts. It was a chilly day, probably the sign that fall was coming.

_Thud, thud._

He felt a light tap on his shoulder, followed by a hesitant “Jeno?”. Jaemin appeared by his side wearing a long sleeved black tee and navy blue sweatpants. He looked different in casual clothes, almost as if he was more comfortable and free. Jeno made a mental note that he would like to see more of Jaemin outside of school, where grades and homework wouldn’t claw at the both of them.

“I had a feeling that you might not have shown up”

“And why is that?”

“I kinda forced you to come, even though you barely know me,” Jeno sheepishly smiled. He continued to dribble the ball as they walked towards the basketball courts. They walked in silence and he noticed Jaemin taking in the surroundings, the calmness of the school without the constant chatter of its students. 

 _Thud, thud._  

“Tell me something about yourself,” Jeno asked the younger boy. He took in Jaemin’s tranquil aura as they continued to walk. His pink hair was messy and curled around his eyebrows. 

“My two best friends are currently a world away from me, and both of them are younger than I am. I also miss them a lot,” Jaemin replied, looking at Jeno with glistening eyes. “Fact for a fact. Tell me something about yourself.” 

_Thud, thud._

“My two best friends are actually Mark and Hyuck, if you haven’t already noticed. The two of them have liked each other forever but refuse to admit their feelings for each other. Also, it sucks about your best friends, nobody deserves that fate.”

“So you’re the third wheel of your friendship too?” Jaemin giggled to himself, as he focused his gaze on the path in front of him. “Ok but tell me something about _yourself_ though. I’ll start. I love dancing and I’ve probably been doing so since I was six.” 

 _Thud, thud_  

“Well, I like dancing too. I actually think I developed my _love_ for the art after having a Dance Moms Marathon with Hyuck. I actually have 3 cats, who I love a lot, even though I’m allergic to cats and fur in general.”

He cautiously looked at the other boy and saw him smiling to himself. Jaemin truly had a beautiful smile, that seemed to highlight all of his facial features. He had rosy lips, squishy cheeks, a fairly thin nose and really pretty eyes.

“That’s a really idiotic thing to do, Lee Jeno”

“You should come meet them once. They’re soft and really fluffy, they’ll love you."

He saw Jaemin lowering his head, as he began to fiddle with his fingernails. “How are you so sure that they’ll love me?”

_Thud, thud._

“I don’t think I have met anyone quite as lovable and nice as you are, and I’ve known you for like 2 days now?”

“You think so?”

“Positive.”

  



	5. dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is jaemin okay? is he ever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like it uwu,, i feel like there are a lot of gaps in the story but everything is going to be more detailed, hopefully?

Basketball tryouts weren’t the worst, or at least that’s what Jaemin thought. He could shoot the ball into the hoops and dribble, the team seemed warm and welcoming, which greatly helped to soothe his nerves.  He was kind of surprised that everything in his new life was magically falling into place. He made a grand total of 4 friends, more than he had for the past 17 years of his life. He actually had something to do after school, something to keep his mind busy (also see: Paying for Jeno’s lunch).

He was currently seated in a little booth at a very old diner. The tiles were washed out, presumably from years of being stepped on, but it had a weird homely atmosphere, that made Jaemin want to come back one more time. Fairy lights were carelessly hung everywhere, and the waitresses zoomed around the shop in roller blades and checkered mini skirts. 

Mark and Donghyuck were seated opposite him and both were looking into the menu. He observed, in his peripheral vision, Jeno intently grazing through the menu. “You should try the chocolate milkshakes. They’re absolutely phenomenal,” Jeno suddenly voiced out. “They are light and creamy, and leave you wanting for more.” Jeno smiled.

Jaemin smiled back. “Yeah, that sounds amazing actually.” 

The little group ordered their milkshakes and burgers, falling into light conversation as they waited for their meals. Jaemin ran his fingers through his hair as he shared with the other boys how his day went and how adjusting to the new school had been. 

As the waitress placed the steaming, hot burgers and thick, frothy milkshakes on their table, Donghyuck suddenly squealed out loud as he looked at his phone. “Wong Yukhei is finally having another party at his house. Jaemin you have to come with us, his parties are completely legendary.”

Jeno let out a breath. “Not that we are forcing you or anything but they’re kind of fun. You can meet new friends and we will all be there,” He said shooting cursory glances at Donghyuck and Mark.

Jaemin considered this for a while. Nothing bad was probably bound to happen, at least that’s what he hoped. And it’ll probably be loud, loud enough to block his endless thoughts.

“Yeah, why not” Jaemin said, offering him a smile. Jeno smiled back.  


/

 

Jaemin lay in his bed, as the evening sun’s rays filtered through the blinds into his room. He lazily scrolled through his instagram feed, double tapping on selfies of old friends and celebrities. Jaemin admired the courage of people who posted their faces on any social media platform, and he winced at his plain feed, with a grand total of 4 pictures, filled with flowers and pictures of Chenle and Jisung. He heard someone knock at his window and lifted the shades to find Renjun. Renjun? 

He quickly lifted the window up, welcoming a cold breeze into the room, and let the other boy crawl into his bed. “Hey, is everything okay Junnie?” Jaemin asked.

“Yeah, I just wanted to drop by because I haven’t spent as much time with you since school started.” Renjun pouted as he waited for Jaemin’s response. 

“It’s honestly fine,” Jaemin responded, making sure to lace his worde with a soft tone. “I actually made three new friends. I might actually become a part of Mark Lee and his Ensemble.” 

Renjun laughed in response, his nose crinkling, which caused his glasses to lift up. “How about I make it up to you, my boyfriend’s having a party tomorrow, we can dress up and go together.”

“You’re dating Wong Yukhei?” Renjun nodded in response. 

“It’s no big deal, Nana.” The older boy’s cheeks turned slightly red. 

“Okay first of all, it is to me. Tell me everything.”

And that’s how Jaemin learnt about the relationship between Huang Renjun and Wong Yukhei. Renjun’s soft words floated through the calm air as he described their first meeting (back in freshman year actually) and how they went from friends to lovers. Jaemin smiled at the thought of Renjun and Yukhei (even though he had no idea how the latter looked like) and was glad that he was happy.

They spent the rest of the night talking about their plans for the next day and cuddled with each other on Jaemin’s little twin bed. Jaemin told the other boy about Jeno and Mark and Hyuck. About how Mark and Hyuck were basically glued to each other and were very clearly in love. He told Renjun about Jeno’s beautiful eyes and voice. He talked about Jeno’s basketball skills and how he scored every goal he shot for.

But he never talked about Jeno’s smile though. There was something calm and comforting about it that he wanted to keep that little detail to himself. Maybe if he held onto it long enough, everything might be okay again.  


/  


The next day, Renjun came knocking on his window again. The duo spent the afternoon making ramen and drinking ice cold apple juice. When evening came around, Renjun brought over his makeup palettes and did Jaemin’s makeup for him, dabbing shimmery red eyeshadow on the younger boy’s eyelid and adding a light red lip tint on his lips.Jaemin sat very still, as the older boy’s worked through his face, and finally finishing with rose gold highlighter.

Renjun made Jaemin wear ripped jeans and an oversized tee, after nodding in disapproval at Jaemin’s selection of a collared shirt and cargo pants. Jaemin felt very shiny, and new. Maybe it was time to welcome a new Jaemin after today.

The pair walked to Yukhei’s home, which was a couple of streets away, in the chilly evening. Renjun took a picture of the younger boy and coerced Jaemin to post it on his Instagram (“but i don’t want to” “ _shut up you look good_ ” “but-” ‘ _c’mon you gotta show the world that you’re enjoying your life_ ”).

The party was loud. There were kids everywhere, jostling each other with big, red cups in their hands. Renjun help Jaemin’s hand as they both squeezed through the crowd to go to what was presumably the kitchen.

A tall boy stood in the middle, surrounded by plates of brownies and cupcakes. Brown hair fell to cover his eyes, and he reached up to adjust the hair that framed his forehead, and my, did he have huge hands.

“Jaemin, meet my boyfriend!”

Oh, so this was _the_ Wong Yukhei. The boy looked up to meet Jaemin’s eyes. He quickly walked over to the two of them and gave Jaemin a huge hug.  

“Oh my god! Jaemin?” Yukhei asked, to which Jaemin apprehensively nodded.

“Man, Renjun tells me so much about you”

“He does?” Jaemin quickly glanced over to Renjun, whose eyes seemed to follow Yukhei everywhere he went.

“Yeah man. Also you gotta try these cupcakes and stuff I made. They aren’t laced with anything I swear and they’re all just made from cake mix but they are delicious. Also, I have apples and oranges in the fridge, because I’m trying to promote healthy eating within my parties, you know.” Yukhei quickly looked over to Jaemin. “Let me know if you need anything alright. Make yourself comfortable.” 

He winked over at Jaemin and just like that he was gone, with Renjun trailing shortly behind me

“Call me if you need me,” Renjun mouthed before disappearing behind a wall. And just like that Jaemin was alone again, with nothing but bass and voices in his head.  


/

 

“Wait up,” Jeno called behind Hyuck and Mark as he jogged towards them. Jeno was first of all, in no mood for a party or tolerating MarkHyuck’s incessant ramblings and second of all, was only going because he hoped Jaemin would be there.

The trio arrived at Yukhei’s house, and Jeno immediately found himself being enveloped by a variety of overwhelming senses. His skin prickled at the loud bass and proximity of the people around him. The faint smell of alcohol and sweat hung in the air as he made his way through the house into the living room. His friends ran off and Hyuck cheekily looked back at him before following Mark into one of the far ends of the house.

Always the odd one out. Always the one left out. He looked around nervously holding to spot a familiar face. He saw some kids from the basketball team walking around but decided against talking to them and instead made his way to the kitchen.

Plates of cupcakes, brownies and cookies lay on the countertop, with a basket of apples and oranges in the center of it all. He couldn’t believe that Yukhei of all people, was taking the health bullshit seriously and applying it to one of his _parties_. He rounded the counter and saw Jaemin, with his head down and a red cup in his hand.

He immediately crouched down and gently tapped his shoulders. Jaemin lifted his head. “It’s you,” he smiled. “I was waiting.” 

“What were you drinking,” Jeno asked as he pulled the cup away from Jaemin’s firm grip and took a sip. _Alcohol._ “Are you okay?” the older boy asked, concerned.

Jaemin ignored his question and continued to ramble. “It’s funny how we’ve been coincidentally meeting these past few days.”

“Yeah but i think you are drunk right now and if we are going to have a meaningful conversation, it’s going to happen when you’re not like this.” He offered his hand to Jaemin and pulled him up. The younger boy’s hands were cold and soft, and Jeno firmly held it as he navigated them through the kids and found a cozy spot in the corner of the living room, where he asked Jaemin to sit down.

Jaemin didn’t let go of his hand but instead interlaced his fingers with Jeno’s, which Jeno ultimately ignored. The brown haired by settled in next to the pink haired boy and they both sat with their knees touching each others.

“Fact for a fact,” Jaemin suddenly blurted out.

“You’re not gonna remember anything anyway,” Jeno scoffed. He focused picking a thread from the corner of his jeans. “I think i should get some water for you,” He started, preparing to get up. 

Jaemin held their hands together tighter. “Stay,” he whispered, his eyes big like that of a deer’s. “I don’t think i’m okay,” he said with a defeated voice.

“I don’t think you are either, Na Jaemin”

“When I was 12 I found out that I liked boys. Your turn” Their hands still remained firmly intertwined.

“I think I’ve always known that I was not straight. Everyone around me were open about their sexuality so I kinda grew up knowing this”

They stayed silent for a moment. Jaemin played with Jeno’s fingers. “I’m scared,” Jaemin said, and Jeno glanced to his side, and saw the younger boy staring intently at their hands. 

“Why” 

“I don’t think anyone likes me. I don’t think I will love myself as much as I love my friends, and I think that’s scary.” Jaemin tightly closed his eyes, and Jeno saw little creases form along the corners.

“It might take some time but I think you will”

“What makes you so sure,” Jaemin asked groggily. His eyes wandering around the room, causing Jeno to slowly look around. He didn’t know how long  noticed that there was practically no one, other than a couple making out on the sofa. There were throws and pillows scattered around everywhere, and the lights were dim.

“Truth or dare, Jeno,” Jaemin asked again, this time looking straight into the older boy’s eyes. 

“What are you doing? I don’t think you’re okay”

“Just answer the question.”

“Dare,” Jeno whispered, and before he knew it, he felt Jaemin’s hands reaching for his face, and he pulled them closer together. He was a couple of inches away from the younger boy and felt his heavy breathing on his nose. 

Jaemin’s eyes darted towards his lips and it didn’t take Jeno long to close to distance between the two of them, and when their lips met, something clicked inside of him.

 


	6. the next morning

Jaemin woke up with a start. He opened his eyes and looked around the room he was in. Everything seemed unfamiliar. The walls, the rancid, scent, the aura. He gently lifted his head and came to face Jeno.  _ Jeno?  _

He didn’t remember much from the previous night, just that his head hurt a lot. He quietly stood up, careful not to wake the older boy up. He gathered some pillows from the couch and put them by Jeno’s side. He had no idea how he ended up at Jeno’s side last night but he hoped he didn’t fuck anything up between them. 

His head started to throb more and he made his way to the kitchen where he poured himself a cup of water He remembered Lucas’s baking bout the previous night and opened the fridge to help himself to a cupcake. It was still dark outside, and everything seemed very silent in the house.

He unlocked his phone to call Renjun, remembering his words from the last night. The brightness of his phone screen hurt his eyes and he quickly brought it up to his ears as he let the call ring for a few seconds. A sound clicked and he heard Renjun’s voice on the other end.

“Jaemin? It’s 3 am,” the other boy mumbled softly.

“Can I get a ride home? I feel weird and very sick” He heard some shuffling through the phone.

“Yeah, just wait in the kitchen. I’ll be right with you” 

 

/

 

“What do you mean you don’t remember anything,” Renjun asked, his hands gripping the steering wheel tighter. 

“Firstly, we’re not having this conversation at 3am. Secondly, I don’t know. I just woke up and Jeno was beside me,” Jaemin let out an exasperated sigh.  _ What the fuck is going on. _ He wished he wasn’t so reckless and stupid. He tried to rack his brain of all the different things that could’ve happened between Jeno and him but he wasn't sure. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Jeno. He wasn’t sure if Jeno liked him. Hell, he wasn’t sure if he liked Jeno. 

He turned up the radio, a Troye Sivan song playing in the background. He brought down the windows and increased the volume. The music filled his body, he couldn’t hear his rancid thoughts anymore, all he could feel was the cold wind beating down his face. Jaemin felt Renjun tense beside him, and he made a mental note to profusely apologize for being such a mess when he was sober again. 

For now, he released his thoughts to the wind and the music, but he still couldn’t stop thinking about one boy and his goddamn smile. 

 

/

 

_ Jaemin? _  That was Jeno’s first thought as he woke up. He could feel the warm kisses of the sunlight on his cheeks and lips and memories from the previous night came crashing back on him. _ Gosh, he was such a terrible flirt.  _ He slowly got up, his arms and legs felt sore as he pulled himself to his feet. 

Noticing that Jaemin was undoubtedly gone, he tried to find his way around the house, keeping a lookout for Donghyuck’s laugh and Mark’s voice. He groggily rubbed his eyes, and he stumbled into one of the bedrooms, where he found the couple from the previous night in tangled with each other on a sofa. 

He quickly exited the room, wondering where the fuck his friends were. He tried the next few rooms, and the bathrooms. He tried calling them, but all to no avail. Now, he was basically stuck in this gigantic house, with people he barely knew and no ride back home.

“Hey man,” he heard someone call out from behind him. Turning around, he came face to face with Lucas and his goofy grin.

“Hey.” Jeno replied, walking over to give the tall boy a fist bump. 

“So, you and Jaemin, huh”

  
“No, but what about it,” he said, avoiding Lucas’s eyes. 

“Nothing but Renjun left at like 3 am to bring him back home”

“Oh”

“Yeah, man. Also, I’m pretty sure Mark and Donghyuck are out in the back. They were out stargazing or something all night”

“Thanks. I appreciate it,” Jeno said, giving Lucas a curt nod before running to the backyard. He caught Mark and Hyuck wrapped around in throws and surrounded by pillows in the corner of the garden, sleeping peacefully. Walking up to them, he gave Mark one, long shake. The older boy slowly opened his eyes, and looked straight into Mark’s.

“I hate to interrupt whatever this is but I need a ride home”

“Ask your boyfriend,” Mark replied, voice raspy. 

“Jaemin doesn’t drive and even if he did he left like hours ago. Can we please leave?”

Mark seemed to sense the urgency and desperation in his best friend’s eyes and woke Hyuck up. The trio stood up and walked out of the house to Mark’s car in silence.

“Are you ok,” Hyuck asked, concerned.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he replied and gave Hyuck one of his eye smiles.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry this is so short but i'll try to make the next one longer :(

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fic so go easy on me!


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